I know it’s been awhile since my last blog entry.  I was too busy watching Dexter to write.  I discovered Dexter on Netflix on vacation in San Francisco and my life has never been the same since.  First of all, thank you Marriott for giving us a TV with Netflix in our room.  BEST VACATION EVER!  There’s nothing worse than being in a foreign city and having to waste time figuring out the local TV channel lineup and having no access to your DVR.  It’s literally the worst!  Marriott saved me on this vacation once I figured out that I could sign into my Netflix account from the TV.  I stumbled upon a show called Dexter about a friendly serial killer who only kills people that deserve it or who get in his way.  This is my dream.  So every night, after a long day of sightseeing and manicures I would lay in bed and watch 3 or 4 episodes.  This guy is my hero.  He works for the Miami Metro police department as a blood spatter analyst by day and a serial killer by night.  Now, I don’t have that kind of energy, but I give him credit for being committed to his hobby.  Plus, he ends up saving tax payers a lot of money because he gets rid of people who would otherwise have to go through the court system and eventually end up in jail.  Law & Order is great for “how to commit a crime” but Dexter finally teaches us how to “clean up a crime” the right way.  Apparently the key is plastic wrap…A LOT of plastic wrap.  The FBI is so dumb.  They waste their time trying to track down serial killers by investigating people who buy weapons or illegal chemicals.  They should be tracking people who buy large quantities of plastic wrap.  That’s the key.  When I first started watching this show I thought to myself, “There’s something really wrong with this guy,” and then after a few episodes I thought “This guy’s really onto something.”  This show basically confirmed my ongoing assumption that everyone I meet is a serial killer and is just waiting for the chance to wrap me in plastic wrap and dump me off the Gulf of Mexico.  I hope I’m fully dead first because boats make me sea sick.

One other amazing discovery on our trip was Uber.  I LOVE UBER MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF.  Living in the suburbs, we never use it, but people in cities have completely given up driving (and walking) for Uber.  It’s awesome.  You click a button on your phone and 1 minute later a friendly stranger shows up to drive you around.  I met so many nice people on Uber, including two people from Afghanistan.  I’ve never met anyone from Afghanistan!  Of course I had LOTS of questions.  According to these nice gentleman I should never visit their country because I’d probably be kidnapped.  Good to know.  I’m not only getting a ride but also picking up new safety tips.  I also helped one driver construct a new “upsell” business for his Uber car.  He’ll offer mini bottles of soda and water along with gum, candy, crackers and sewing kits for $1 each.  Everything’s $1 and he doesn’t make change.  That’s the key.  You have a trapped audience who may be thirsty, hungry, have bad breath or have a rip in their pants and need immediate assistance.  Not only do you get paid for the ride but you get to upsell your customers and provide a service to the public.  Now, we did decide against muffins and coffee.  Too messy.  If someone spills or gets crumbs all over the car it will cost you time and money to clean that up.  No good.  I told Dan that if we ever move to a big city I’m totally becoming an Uber driver.  I can strap the dogs in the front seat, break out my “mini mart” and start picking up strangers.