Dear Eve,

I hate you.  If I ever see you in person I’m going to throw an apple in your face.  Maybe my words are harsh but then again, maybe you shouldn’t have ruined mankind over a piece of fruit.  An apple pie, maybe?  An apple crisp, of course!  An apple dumpling, definitely.  But a plain apple?  Ahh..no.  I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but no one (except annoying vegans) willingly choose to eat fruit for a snack.  It’s unheard of!  And now, because of your stupid choice we must deal with the consequences.  I used to blame God when bad things happen to good people but now I blame you.  God gave you a beautiful garden with lots of snack options.  I imagine an M&M tree, a river flowing with chocolate and edible flowers made out of marshmallow… and a few fruit trees for your vegan and gluten-free visitors.  You basically were living in Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory and you chose to eat an apple?  I literally can’t even talk to you right now.  You make no sense.  And to make it worse, you let a snake talk you into it.  If a snake started talking to me I would run like a Kenyan in a marathon.  What is wrong with you!

In case you were wondering your actions have consequences.  For example, at this very moment some very good friends of mine are watching their little baby girl fight for her life.  She was born with a rare heart defect and will need several surgeries to heal.  And if that wasn’t bad enough she’s hooked up to lots of tubes and needs dialysis.  Surgery on a baby?  Just turrible!  And it’s all your fault.  She has an awesome support team of doctors, nurses, family members, friends and prayer warriors so we’re going to win this one… but we’re still very mad at you.  VERY!  Thanks a lot for making them go through this difficult time.  Next time you’re hungry, please eat a snickers bar.

Your enemy,

Rachel

P.S.  Any one reading my blog knows that I always inject humor into tough situations.  It’s how I cope.  But on a serious note, please consider praying for and supporting our good friends Kim and Karl Hoffman and their precious baby girl Eliana as she fights a very long battle.  You can read updates on their Caring Bridge site and make donations on their GoFundMe page.  These two people never stop giving to others.  It’s a blessing to all of us to give back to them.

https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/elianahoffman

https://www.gofundme.com/elianas-heart