- SNL Skits. Need I say more?
- Donald Trump Halloween Costumes for Kids. I don’t know about you but I can’t wait to open my front door and see a 5 year old with a bad comb over and red power tie asking for free candy.
- The “Trumpisms” App (yes I have it on my phone). In the middle of a meeting I can say (in Donald’s voice), “Nice idea…never gonna happen”, “Wrong”, “This crap was made in China”, “It’s a disaster”, and so on and so forth. It’s really added a new flare to our boring budget meetings.
- A reminder to kids that being a bully as an adult is totally fine. “Shady Katie hates the elderly and drowns puppies for fun”… “Crooked Hillary wants to take all of your money and spend it on pants suits”. Teachable moments like these just don’t come around every year.
- Instead of Throwback Thursday we’ll have Throwback Tuesday on November 8th. A day when we actually get out of our cars and walk into a building to cast our vote. What is this 1905?? I drive 5 miles out of my way to go to the Driv-Thru Starbucks so I don’t have to get out of my car for coffee. I can’t be expected to get out of my car to vote! Can’t there just be an app for this?
- Out of date bumper stickers. You really don’t notice these until an election year when you’re sitting in traffic and reading the “Romney-Ryan” or “Kerry-Edwards” stickers on the car in front of you. A few times I’ve caught myself saying “oh wait, I have other options? Yay! People, please update your bumper stickers to reflect the current year. You’re confusing other drivers.
- More reasons to throw parties! I used to only have people over to watch the premier of The Walking Dead. Now we do the same for the debates. Who would have thought?
- Your chance to own a piece of history. Let’s face it, if Donald wins his first day in office will be spent collecting all of that “old” junk currently in the White House and selling it on eBay to raise funds for his giant wall. His current home has solid gold toilets so we can’t expect him to settle for used furniture. Just think, for only $2 million you could be the proud owner of the Lincoln Bedroom Set or Jackie Kennedy’s fine china.
- Drastically reducing your Facebook friends list. You finally have a solid reason to un-friend so many annoying people who post endless political nonsense in hopes of changing other people’s minds. You would feel guilty unfriending someone for the daily cat videos or endless food updates so all of the election comments give you an out. It’s like the year of Jubilee when everyone in the Bible was supposed to forgive everyone else’s debts. 2016 is like a Facebook Friend Un-Friend Jubilee! Un-friend whoever you want. No one is judging you.
- Our election coverage weeds out all of the “sad” news that tries to make us feel bad. Things like “refugees” or “whole villages wiped out by flooding” or “massive earthquakes in some part of the world that isn’t the U.S.” For 18 months we get to pretend that nothing else matters but Hillary’s pantsuits or Donald’s hair. Not even Kim Kardashian can interrupt the election coverage. Her robbery ended up in the scrolling bar across the bottom of the screen. On November 9th we’re all gonna be like, “You mean to tell me that there are other, more important, things happening in the world besides our presidential election? This is news to me!”