When I grew up in the 1980’s no one carried around drinks, especially not water.  Now everyone I see is carrying a “water bottle” as if there’s going to be a catastrophic drought at any moment.  “Gotta get my 180 ounces in today before the world ends.”  What is wrong with us?  As a society we’ve gone completely mad… and we’re literally drowning ourselves.  In 1988 the only options in a vending machine were Coke, Diet Coke, Caffeine Free Diet Coke, Sprite, Root Beer and Hi-C… and Hi-C was considered the “healthy option” because after all, it’s made with 1% real fruit.  I remember when I saw my first vending machine that sold water… you know, that stuff we get for free out of faucets that nobody wants to drink anyway.  I was at a concert at a park in Exton when I got thirsty.  I went through the usual steps of begging my Dad for $0.50 and then walking over to the vending machine.  In the 80’s parents didn’t care enough about their kids to pack Nalgene bottles full of water whenever they left the house.  And even if they had Nalgene’s they probably would have filled them with Kool-Aid.  When I finally reached the vending machine I scanned down the options figuring I’d choose between Coke and Root Beer.  I had to “take a double take” when I saw Poland Spring water at the very bottom of the list.  Water?  Who would want to buy water?  Isn’t it free in the water fountain?  Does it come in a can?  What does it taste like?  Who even drinks water?  Athletes maybe, but this isn’t the Olympics.  It’s a community park.  This is such a joke.  It’ll be a passing fad.  In a month that slot will be replaced by Grape Crush.  Little did I know then that the water bottle craze would overtake our nation.  Everywhere I go I see people carrying huge water bottles.  It’s like they can’t put them down.  When I see a woman carrying her water bottle from her car into the grocery store I can’t help but think, “Are you really that thirsty that you can’t survive a 15 minute trip to Giant without drinking water?  And… they have water there.”  My high school was smart.   They made it a rule that no one could bring a water bottle to school (mainly because kids were filling them with vodka but also because I think they knew that no one should be drinking that much water).  I already pee 15 times a day.  Could you imagine what would happen if I actually started drinking water?  I don’t even like to drink water at the gym (the 3 times a year I go).  I prefer chocolate milk.  It’s much tastier.  I say that we go back to drinking soda and Hi-C.  The water bottle craze has failed us.  According to the news we’re the fattest nation on earth and yet we create the most water bottle waste.  Does anyone else see a correlation here?