So many people are wasting their time trying to solve big problems like “poverty” and “world peace” and “clean water in Africa”.  I say we forget all those things and focus our attention on real problems that we can actually fix like eliminating kale from the planet.  It’s taking over everything and needs to be stopped.  It’s in our smoothies… it’s in our salads… it’s in our soups… and it’s even trying to mask itself as a substitute for chips.  It’s an epidemic!  My friend and I were recently discussing this issue…

Friend:  Hey Rachel do you want to try this smoothie?  It’s really good.  It has kale in it.

Me:  No.

Friend:  That seems a little harsh.

Me:  It is.  I’d rather die than drink your kale smoothie.

Friend:  Come on, you can’t even taste the kale.

Me:  Then why do you put it in there?

Friend:  Because it’s good for you.  Lots of vitamins.

Me:  Can’t I just drink a regular smoothie and take a vitamin?

Friend:  But this is better.  You get both in one.

Me:  If I drink that I’ll die.  Do you want me to die?

Friend:  No.  But you’re being ridiculous.

Me:  You’ve clearly been brainwashed by the Kale Lobby.  I think you should come to one of my SPARK meetings.  We’ll set you straight.

Friend:  What?

Me: SPARK – Stopping People from Acquiring Raw Kale

Friend:  Are you serious?

Me:  Of course.  It’s a grassroots organization started by me to eliminate kale from the planet.  Our slogan is, “It only takes a SPARK to burn up all kale.”

Friend:  You are out of control.

Me:  Hey, that’s my husband’s line.  So is that a “no” for SPARK?