Everyone raves about Europe…

“Have you been to Europe?”

“You should really go to Europe”

“You haven’t been to Europe? You NEED to go!”

Ahh… have these people realized that Europe is old? It’s like REALLY OLD. I’ve been there. No air-conditioning…shared hotel bathrooms…showers in the middle of the bathroom floor…a lack of elevators…weird dinner times…an overall lack of deodorant…terrible TV shows…no ice cold drinks…etc. etc. etc. Where is the drywall? Where are the Starbucks? Where are the chain restaurants?  A lot of people bash chain restaurants but I love them. You always know what you’re going to get. Whether I’m at Applebee’s in Philadelphia or in Dallas, I know that my chicken finger basket will be delicious. Try finding that in Europe!

Europe does have some redeeming qualities…pretty castles…good wine…afternoon siestas…Johnny Depp (doesn’t he live in France?)…but other than that I’d rather be in America. Everyone’s accents are normal…there is constant indoor climate control…lots of chain restaurants…shower doors…private hotel bathrooms…elevators AND escalators (jackpot!)…and fabulous TV. Who would ever want to leave? I get my Europe fix from a safe distance…on the travel channel. Looks nice on TV…uncomfortable in person.